You can choose different paths to make a change in your life. I’ll share five of them and give examples.
Path #1. Change your mindset.
A mindset is no small thing. Ever since reading Carol Dweck’s book on this topic, I’ve completely changed my attitude about what the human brain is capable of. It’s a simple yet powerful distinction. There are two types of mindsets, fixed and growth. A fixed mindset is when you believe you’re born with a set of skills and abilities that are part of your DNA and cannot be changed, whereas a growth mindset is when you work on building new skills and habits continually over time.
For the past four years, I’ve used my own life as a growth mindset experiment. It’s taught me so much! I’ve revamped my professional life and now love the work that I do. I’ve improved my personal life and started appreciating every nuance and detail of friendships and partnerships. I’ve incorporated new habits like running, going to the gym regularly, getting plenty of sleep, having a gratitude practice, and meditating. It’s given me a lot of material to create an online course about the growth mindset — which I have developed on my own.
Path #2. Focus on what you have instead of experiencing FOMO.
FOMO — the “fear of missing out”— is a real struggle for many people. We are social creatures, so it’s no surprise that we look to one another to see how we stack against people in our social circle. This is nothing new. But with smartphones and social media taking over our daily life, our social circle no longer includes just our family, friends, classmates, co-workers, and neighbors. We are part of a global stage and that means we compare ourselves with everyone who has a Twitter or Instagram account. So it’s us against the world!
The downside to all this? By witnessing the lives of others (pictured as perfect, of course), we become increasingly frustrated with our own. We see only what we don’t have, where we aren’t traveling, what we haven’t achieved, how much money isn’t in our bank account. So how to change this point of view? A simple way is to incorporate a 5-minute gratitude practice into your day. Write down 3 things (also people, experiences, even pets) you are grateful for having in your life right now. For more details on how to do it, read this answer.
Path #3. Stop a negative habit if it doesn’t make you feel good.
I’m sure you know where your weaknesses lie. Some people keep smoking, others can’t say no to a friend’s invitation to binge drink at the local bar, and there are many of us who are hooked on eating sweets. The bigger question is not why, but who’s in charge here? If we’re going to be completely honest, the only one in charge is (and always should be) YOU.
So let’s figure out a way to get rid of a bad habit. If you have a nagging feeling that you’re doing something that’s not beneficial to you, step one is to acknowledge there’s a problem. If you create an awareness instead of stay in denial, this will allow you to move on to step two — figuring out what to do about it. Create a plan to attack it in stages. Reduce the amount of junk food you have each week, go to bed 30 minutes earlier than usual, or call up a friend who has quit smoking and ask how they did it. What’s step three? Keep pushing yourself, stay disciplined every day even if it means you’ll be proactive 5 minutes at a time.
Path #4. Start a positive habit even if it takes 10 minutes a day.
I tried many new things that I wouldn’t have even contemplated when I was a college student. Running, for example. I thought it was for people who are super athletic and who have extraordinary lung capacity. But I started the Couch to 5k program and eventually ran for 45 minutes to an hour without stopping — and it was enjoyable! Another great example is meditation. I thought it meant you have to sit in complete silence, with eyes closed, for hours. But with my mind being so busy and chatty, I couldn’t possibly do it. And then I started a 10-minute guided meditation with the Headspace app, and now it’s one of the best parts of my day.
What can you do that’s new, different, perhaps something you’ve always been curious to try out? Explore what that is for you. Do the research. Find an app to track your progress. Send an email to someone who’s an expert in that field and get a conversation going. Start with baby steps — try the new activity for 10 minutes a day, and add it to your weekly schedule. Experiment with it. Push yourself. Grow.
Path #5. Make a commitment to become a better person, starting right now.
Becoming a better human being is not an abstract concept; it as real as you want to make it. This means different things to different people. What is better for me is perhaps not interesting to you, and that’s ok. The important part is to figure out what YOU think this better (or even ideal) version of you looks like. Start there. Visualize it. Who would this version of you be? Someone with a fascinating job? A Spanish guitar expert? A French pastry chef?
Next, be honest with yourself. How bad do you want to become this version of you? If you really are dedicated to it, you’re more likely to achieve it. After that, what will it take to get you there — what’s the recipe? Write down what you’ll need. Research it. Talk to people who who are also going through something similar; there is tremendous power in sharing goals with others. And then get after it: do something every single day that will get you closer to where you want to be. Today you might have only 10 minutes to devote to it. That’s ok. In a week you’ll schedule a whole hour. And that’s what progress looks like!
📖✏️ A final note on reading and reference materials.
One of my top writing goals for 2021 is to develop a series of growth mindset workbooks that provide step-by-step guidance on making a positive change in your life. One of the workbooks is about becoming the best version of yourself and it includes step-by-step instructions, tips, question prompts, and a workbook section for writing down your answers.
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